What If
by sugarhigh9394
Summary: My submission for the CCOAC Death Fic Challenge Trigger Warning CHARACTER DEATHS


**AN: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. For the sake of this story, Will and Henry don't exist. **

**My submission for the CCOAC Deathfic Challenge.**

**WARNING: CHARACTER DEATHS**

Spencer Reid sat on the floor in the hallway as tears ran down his face and sobs wracked his body, As doctors and nurses bustled past him, they tried to give him his space. He had just lost everything. He thought back on the events of the past 60 minutes and though of two simple words, "What if?"

What if he had realized something was wrong sooner? What if he had seen the signs?

He would be asking himself that very same question until the day he died.

The one and only person who ever truly understood him was gone forever. Just an hour before, they were laughing and joking around, watching a terribly cheesy movie from the 80s. It was wonderful, spending time with each other without a care in the world. If only he had realized that something was wrong. That she needed help. If he had only seen the painfully obvious signs, then maybe, just maybe, she'd still be here with him.

* * *

FLASHBACK

_As the movie ended, Reid got up and stretched, reaching for their empty glasses._

"_That was fun." He said._

_JJ laughed beside him "It was. I better get going soon though." she said as she walked towards the bathroom. _

_Reid put the glasses in the sink and met JJ in the hallway as she left the bathroom._

"_I had fun tonight, Jayje."_

"_I did too, Spence." she grabbed her bag and made her way to the door. As she was about to leave, she turned around._

"_Spence?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_Don't ever change."_

"_Okay?" he was confused._

"_I mean it. Spouting statistics and random facts are what make you, you. Never lose that." JJ said seriously._

"_I won't." Reid said with a smile._

_JJ left, closing the door behind her._

_Twenty minutes later, Reid walked into his bathroom. He turned when he saw something taped to the mirror. It was a necklace. JJ's necklace. With a note that simply said "I'm sorry."_

_And Reid knew. The strange conversation from earlier replayed in his mind over and over again. She was saying goodbye. _

_Panicking, Reid grabbed the necklace and note, and sprinted out the front door._

_As he drove, Reid's hands gripped the steering wheel tightly as he sped towards his destination. In his right hand were the necklace, and the note. He was desperate to get to her. After what felt like hours, but was only minutes later, he pulled to a stop in her driveway. He jumped out of his car and ran towards the front door. He looked to the window to see a flash, followed instantly by the blast of a gun going off.  
A note fluttered to the ground.  
A necklace landed beside it.  
And Spencer Reid's world crashed down around him._

* * *

Now JJ was gone, and Reid felt that his world was so much duller. Her effervescent light had gone out. It was all his fault. How could he have not known what she was going to do? How could he not see the signs. For God's sake, she **told **them the signs on that one case. Reid was so wrapped up in his guilt, he failed to notice the team's attempts to get him to move. He didn't hear Garcia's sobbing, or Emily's screaming as Hotch called her in London and told her that her best friend was dead. He didn't see the tears running down Blake's face, or the anguish displayed on Rossi's. He failed to notice the swollen knuckles on Morgan's hand.

All Reid could think about was "What if?"

The question continued to haunt him as he sat in the hallway. It was all so unreal. JJ was dead.

As the realization that he was never going to see her smile again, never going to see her brilliant blue eyes again, never going to hear her voice, never going to tell her how he felt, Spencer Reid broke down. What had before been sobs became hysterical screaming.

"NO! NO! SHE CAN'T BE GONE! NO!"

Instantly, Morgan was at his side, grabbing Reid in a fierce hug.

"Pretty Boy, let it out. It will be okay."

"IT WILL NEVER BE OKAY DEREK! NEVER!"

"You don't know that."

"I LOVED HER! I LOVED HER, DEREK! AND I NEVER TOLD HER! GODDAMMIT, I LOVED HER, AND NOW SHE'S DEAD! SO NO, IT WILL NEVER BE OKAY!"

Reid got up and stormed out of the hospital, the team's dumbfounded, horrified looks in his wake. He walked to his car, and drove away.

He had lost every reason he had to live. He felt like nothing, like his life should be over too. His foot pressed on the accelerator, and he drove faster and faster. As he drove, he dialed Hotch.

"Reid, where are you?"

"Gone." Reid said softly.

"Reid, what -"

"I can't live without her, Hotch. I won't live without her." Reid said as he got closer to his destination.

"REID!"

"Goodbye, Hotch."

Reid yanked his steering wheel to the right, and drove straight off the bridge and plunged into the river below.

He would be with his JJ now.

* * *

Two months later, Emily Prentiss walked across the cemetery, tulips in her hand. As she arrived at JJ and Reid's graves, tears ran down her face. She placed the tulips down and left the way she came, whispering "Goodbye." as she left.

JJ and Reid may not have gotten together in life, but they would forever be together, in death.

**AN: *cries* *sobs* I'm sorry...**


End file.
